714. 2011, briefly

Today is the end of 2011. Thanks Be To God. I have had much better years in my life - 1977, 1978, 1985, 1991 (both very good and very bad, perhaps the worse), 1998, 2006, 2008, 2010. Toward the end, there is a trend, you might note. I'm ready to add to that trend and 2012 is promising.

A stroll back through 2011 is troubling on many fronts. Prominently, two of my friends were unemployed for large parts of the year. Thankfully, both were working as of yesterday. One of those will probably have to work today. I was unemployed for several months in 2003. It is difficult on everyone, disheartening, discouraging. I am hopeful 2012 brings, if nothing else - nothing at all, an improved economy for my friends and family and others.

Strolling through 2011 was for me meant to be something of a rebirth - the second half-century of my life. Rather than celebrate that new beginning, that renaissance, I have looked ahead to the end and for the first time in my life felt old. I hate that idea, I hate that prospect. I'm not prepared for such a station. And yet, there is little I can do about it, except, perhaps, work around it as long as possible.

Late in 2010, I was challenged by someone I no longer speak to (and I really am not happy that I have found it in me to no longer speak to someone, anyone, no matter who they might be), challenged to restart my life by doing new things, reviving old things, seeing new people, and generally getting on with my life. I've began to begin that process but such a beginning takes me back to the fact that I am not just getting old, but old.

Have I progressed? I suppose it is the eternal wish of humanity to move from one year to the next with some progress behind them as motivation to move ahead. This is how you feel in the late 20s and 30s and into your 40s. I know - I've been there and gauged that progress, or often, the lack thereof.

Yes, progress was made, but only in the smallest of gains, nearly imperceptable, and that is unacceptable. While not content with the progress, I am more content with myself than I have been in years, and that alone is worth celebrating. That isn't to say I've fully accepted that particular contentment, only to acknowledge it.

I wander out of 2011 alone at home. My personal friendships grew in small, small doses in 2011. I've ended the year on an upbeat note with one friend in particular, something for which to be thankful; and a downbeat note with another and in the latter must - must is such a strong word - yield to the idea that some gulfs are, in fact, to broad to bridge. I do not like that at all and reserve in a prominent and large corner of my soul wherein might be proven that no bridge is too far as this particular friend has been an exceptional friend on many levels for me in 2011 and I do not want to lose that relationship, not at all.

So, be gone 2011, be gone. You weren't all that bad, but certainly weren't much good. As my fourth grade teacher wrote every six weeks in the Conduct section of my report cards, "Room for improvement."

Room for improvement will be the purpose which sends me - and the world - into 2012.