Sunday, July 15, 2007

139. Time Swimming in Numbers

Sometime over the weekend, the people-meter, counting visits here along the Left Bank of the Ohio River near Milepost 606, tripped over the 3,000th visitor and the 4,125th page visit. There are people who could use those ISP numbers which register each visit to narrow down who might have been the 3,000th visitor. I am not one of them. My oldest nephew probably could. He might even be able to tell me it was a left-handed college sophomore who plays basketball on the weekends on one of the eight courts at the Southeast Christian Church Athletics facility off Blankenbaker Lane in eastern Jefferson County. The key word in that last sentence was might. Chances are, he couldn't actually do that, but the idea that he (or any other computer geek) could is intriguing.

He is somewhat computer literate, which is to say I am not. In the winters, he hones his computer skills while in the summer he takes to the Louisville Skatepark or any local swimming pool, including the one in the complex where I live in downtown Louisville. His youngest sister and brothers have been wanting to join him in the pool since, in their words, "Uncle Jeff, we have not been swimming all summer long, not once, since school let out." For many years there has been a small above-ground pool in my mother's back yard. The current structure is the fourth or fifth one, with pools dating back to when my brother and I were kids, long before blogging, the internet, computers, and the widespread availabilty of color TV. We had one of those and faithfully looked for the "c" in the little TV frame in the weekly edition of the TV Guide to know which of the programs would be coming next in living color on NBC, as the saying used to go. But, I digress.

The pool in Mom's back yard has not yet gotten opened - "how 'bout that grammar?" Since it isn't open, there is no swimming allowed, unless you are one of the little flying creatures which find a nice large pond in someyard's back yard enjoyable, which a number of little flying creatures do. I've been chemically treating the pool to keep the critters' population under control and thus far seem to have been successful. But, back to my youngest niece and nephews. The rules at my complex require one adult for every child under 14. All three of these kids are. Their older brother is 17; his girlfriend is 18. Consequently, only one could go at a time, which would never work. Jacob will be 18 very soon, and if I were to tag along, the three of us could take the three of them, but by that time, schools will be gearing up for the return of students, including the three youngest of my next-nearest kin.

August to us adults is just around the corner. The end of last year's school year was just a few weeks ago, more readily accounted as three paychecks ago. But to the younger ones around us, summers are to them, as they were to us at one time, an eternity of time. I've always maintained a theory about this and why a month is so long to a little one and only two pay-periods to the rest of us. I call it Jeff's Theory of Relative Time, not to be confused with Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity, which is on a related subject and, for whatever reason, has gotten more publicity than mine, perhaps because it was first put in print in 1905 and my theory is only today making that publication benchmark.

The theory is simple. Time accelerates in direct response to a person aging, as it consumes an ever decreasing percentage of a person's total span of life. For example, I am 46 years old. Each year of my life represents roughly 1/46 of my total life span. Each month of my life represents 1/12 of 1/46 of my total life span, put another way, each month represents, at the moment, 1/552 of my life, more or less. For this discussion, lets call one of these monthly periods a lifespan period. On the other hand, one of those two nephews I have mentioned is 6 years old. One year represents 1/6 of his life. One month, or one lifespan period represents 1/72 of his life. Therefore, one lifespan period in my life represents about 7.66666+ lifespan periods in his - that is, if I understand my theory correctly and if my math is right. Putting this in perspective, he goes back to school, now in the 1st grade at Cochran Elementary, after the passage of one lifespan period. That same lifespan period for me will happen in 7 months and 20 days, or somewhere around February 5, 2008. I have some plans already made for late this month (a road trip to Virginia), early August (a road trip to Fancy Farm, which is nearly as far), and late September (the annual celebration of my Nativity, which you should also have marked on your calendars, especially those of you who are pagan), but nothing on record for February 5, 2008. Ok, that's a lie. I didn't know the date was going to work out to be February 5th. Currently, 21 of the 50 sovereign states of our Republic will be having Presidential Primaries on that date and chances are real good I will be somewhat engaged. So, I do have something planned, but that doesn't nullify the theory, does it?

So, I am curious what you think of such a theory? Have you heard of it before? - it is very likely that like all new ideas, it isn't new. Very few things, if any at all are. In the New International Version (or interpretation) of the Bible, in the book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 1, Verses 9 through 14, it is written, allegedly by King Solomon nearly 2,257 years ago, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time." My theory surely isn't new. And as each day and week and month passes, my lifespan periods get relatively shorter and shorter. So, my main concern this week will somehow be getting the three youngest of the Noble nieces and nephews to a swimming hole somewhere.

One more thing - thanks to all 3000 of you who have visited. Please keep it up and add a comment now and then if you are so inclined.

Una más cosa - gracias a los 3000 de ustedes que han visitado. Guárdela por favor para arriba y ahora y después agregue un comentario si usted está tan inclinado.


MaDonna White said...

I love your theory and I have thought such a concept but not stopped to put into words or math! I am not a pagan and would like more information on the upcoming event for those who are as I may want to attend and consider my options (hehe). I hope to be at Fancy Farms myself to support my new friends, the dearest of who is Bruce Hendrickson. So if I don't see you around milemaker 606 maybe I will see you there!

Nick Stump said...

Man oh man, if I miss reading this site for a few days, no telling what might be examined. I can recommend the onion/garlic diet and the warm goat milk bath, especially if the latter is administered by a woman half my age, white she cooing in my ears, I'm still the man I used to be.

As for how fast age and time moves along. I expect time moves in direct relation to how happy I am. If I'm well-pleased with life and my marriage, time seems to roll along very quickly. But put me with a woman I'm not happy with and it takes week just to get though one days argument.

Bravo, Jeff! You continue to delight. Keep it up.

The Archives at Milepost 606


Louisville, Kentucky, United States
Never married, liberal Democrat, born in 1960, opinionated but generally pleasant, member of the Episcopal Church. Graduate of Prestonia Elementary, Durrett High, and Spalding University; the first two now-closed Jefferson County Public Schools, the latter a very small liberal arts college in downtown Louisville affiliated with the Roman Catholic Sisters of Charity of Nazareth. My vocation and avocation is politics. My favorite pastime is driving the backroads of Kentucky and southern Indiana, visiting small towns, political hangouts, courthouses, churches, and cemeteries. You are welcome to ride with me sometime.